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Who Farted? Was It Tiger Woods?

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Question: Who Farted? Was It Tiger Woods?
Answer: Does Tiger Woods fart a lot? Hey, there's no way to ask that question politely, or delicately. But ask it we must, because "Tiger Woods fart" is a phrase that gets searched a lot on the Web. And if people are looking for information about El Tigre and his butt trumpet, well, we're willing to step into that fray (but not into his exhaust plume).

I vaguely recall an old interview with Tiger. Or maybe it was with his caddie Steve Williams. Hey, I said my memory was vague. But what I recall is one of them (or was it the other?) talking about how they sometimes engaged in farting contests walking up the fairway.

Boys will be boys.

There are two (in)famous video clips - you can find them on YouTube by searching for "Tiger Woods fart" or "Tiger Woods farts" - that allegedly catch Woods in the act of strangling the stank monkey.

Woods' air horn allegedly went off one year on the tee during the made-for-TV, primetime match known as "Battle at Bighorn." (Or was it "Battle at the Bridges"? Does it matter? We're talking about inverted burps here).

And he was also accused of letting rip with a trouser cough during the 2009 Buick Open. Both alleged backfires were caught on camera - both in terms of the sound, and the giggly reaction of the golfers, including Woods.

It's well-known that Woods has evacuated a few rooms in his time; he's admitted to being a fartknocker. But is he guilty in those two caught-on-tape instances?

At the 2009 Buick Open, no, Woods was not the smeller nor the feller. The culprit was CBS Sports' on-course reporter (and noted farter in his own right) David Feherty. But Feherty didn't actually cut the cheese; he pushed a button on his smartphone (that one's not a euphemism), which contained an app that created the sound and the fury known as the fart. (And isn't it ironic that something called a "smart"phone could be used for such purposes?) It was lound, and it immediately got the attention of Woods and Williams, whose heads swiveled in the direction of the atmospheric disturbance, and who proceeded to engage in a few giggles.

Boys will be boys.

What about the earlier video clip from the "Battle at the Bridges"? (Or was it "Battle at Bighorn"? Who cares. We're talking about barking spiders.) Did Woods fire his retro rocket on the tee, in front of onlookers, in front of cameras, in front of Sergio Garcia and Ernie Els?

Unlike the Buick indicent, a real culprit has not been identified. But the clip in question isn't conclusive; the person letting the sparrow out of the cage could be any of the other golfers on the tee, or their caddies, or the TV reporters, or even one of the fans. It might even be none of the above - it could be a doctored video clip. It could be that somebody found a clip of Woods giggling on a tee box, and inserted the (in)appropriate sound effect.

Boys will be boys.

As noted above, if you really want to watch a video clip of alleged Tiger Woods swamp gas, if you really want to hear Tiger's alleged one-man band, then go to YouTube and search "Tiger Woods fart." Just remember: He who smelt it dealt it.

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