"I've been hit by lightning and been in the Marine Corps for four years. I've traveled the world and been about everywhere you can imagine. There's not anything I'm scared of except my wife."
"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
"If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
"You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen."
"There is no such thing as a natural touch. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls."
"You don't know what pressure is until you've played for $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket."
"One of the nice things about the Senior Tour is that we can take a cart and cooler. If your game is not going well, you can always have a picnic."
"I'm in the woods so much I can tell you which plants are edible."
"I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes they would have come up sliced."
"Putts get real difficult the day they hand out the money."
"I'm a golfaholic. And all the counseling in the world wouldn't help me."
"I still swing the way I used to, but when I look up the ball is going in a different direction."