That's just one of many, many jokes making rounds in the aftermath of Tiger Woods' car crash and affair rumors. Some of the jokes are pretty good, others aren't pretty at all. Have you ever noticed how many golf jokes involve comic-book violence toward a spouse? There are plenty of those regarding Tiger and Elin, too:
- The police asked Tiger's wife how many times she hit him. "I can't remember," Elin said, "just put me down for a 5."
- Ping has a new set of irons called Elins. They're clubs you can beat Tiger with.
- What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seal? They've both been clubbed by a Norwegian. (Of course, Elin is actually Swedish. But poetic license is allowed in jokes.)
There are jokes about the affair rumors:
- Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
- Tiger's other women aren't misstresses. They're provisionals.
- Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.
- What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause? Santa stopped at three ho's. (That joke has been re-posted about 50 times in comments, so I think we can stop adding it anew to the comment thread.)
And jokes about Tiger's car crash started surfacing within minutes of the initial reports of the accident, including these:
- Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
- What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
- Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
- Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.
Most of the above come from amateur quipsters - folks like you and me. But the professionals are having a field day with Tiger's troubles, too. For example:
- Stephen Colbert: "Tiger always gives 110 percent. That is why he gave 100 percent to his wife and still had 10 percent left over for his alleged mistress."
- Conan O'Brien: "One of the women who claims she slept with Tiger Woods says they never talked about golf while having sex. However, contractually Tiger was obligated to talk about Nike, Gatorade and American Express."
Then there are the YouTube videos. Check out the slow-jam remix of Tiger's voicemail, or the Christmas song parody.
Heard others Tiger woods jokes recently? Post them in comments (but please only the clean ones).
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Comments
Whenever Tiger strikes a long putt, someone always shouts out “In the hole”. Betcha Tiger never hears that from Elins’ lips again!
Should have taken a mulligan on that drive
Tiger drove his balls into a tree
New Tyler Perry movie-”The Diary of an Angry White Woman”
Didnt tiger always say his favorite hole was the 14th at augusta . . . . lying bast**rd !
Question: How do groupies refer to Tiger Woods?
Answer: Big game hunting.
Question: What is handsome, talented, rich, smart and black?
Answer: A groupie’s fantasy.
looks like tiger has been getting more than just his balls in the hole…he’s been getting his club in too!!!
Apparently, Elin has signed a deal with TruTemper…she wasn’t too impressed with the reliability of a graphite shaft
Even the mighty Hank Haney didn’t fix that particular schwing flaw
Why is Steve Williams upset? He heard that Tiger needed to get a new Caddy!
when will private matters between married couples be private matter?
shaddup!!!
Looks like Tiger has been playing a lot more than 18 holes.
He’s been driving his balls home with his 9 wood.
He ask’s his female caddies,
“Who’s up for a stiff one back at the club house” ?
If you Drink, don’t Drive.
If you Drive, use a 3 Iron
Why did Tiger survive the accident? Elin didn’t take enough club.
What’s the differenece between Tiger Woods and Magic Johnson?
HIV
Q: What is tiger’s most memorable drive?
A: The one out of his driveway.
Q: What is the difference between David Letterman’s wife and Tiger’s Wife?
A: Tiger’s wife hits consistently with the 5 iron.
Uggghhh
The Tiger (with apologies to William Blake)
Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?
What the anger, what the fire
Was so stoked by the Enquirer?
Twas there motive, twas there goal?
Did you play an extra hole?
Couldst thou not appease her
After bedding a skeezer?
Was your mom of no aid, though
Batt’ling that white tornado?
Were you chased from hearth and home
A golf club aimed at your dome?
Did the instinct come to pass
“My caddy will save my ass”?
When Elin did swing her club
Did you cower like a cub?
Did you know she’d hit a ton
And put you on the green in one?
When the impact made a thud
Wat’ring the lawn with your blood
Did she smile her work to see?
And did the pain make you pee?
And as neighbors heard your snores
Did you dream about your whores?
Complete defeat, is this true?
Beat you and your caddy, too?
Now as you try to clean up
Have you reread that pre-nup?
Is hush money a small price
For avoiding Elin’s slice?
Were your sponsors caused great stress
By the words of that waitress?
Or is the deal perm’nent now
With “Nike” marked on your brow?
Tiger, Tiger, bleeding bright
In the driveway of the night
What small Swedish hand or wrist
With a three-wood your head kissed?
–DTM
His actual name on his birth certificate explains it all
Tigers Wood
Elin pentalized Tiger 2 strokes for putting his putter in a stranger’s bag.
These are a riot! I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. The XMAS parody song had me laughing so hard it brought tears. I was in a bit of a bad mood a few minutes ago, but these jokes took care of that. Thanks everyone!
Tiger’s multitude of alleged affairs are now coming (spelled correctly) out of the “Woods”.
How dare you. Do you know ANYTHING AT ALL about domestic violence? What could possibly be funny about it? You don’t feel ashamed even a little? How could you condone this? you have little soul, if any.
Tiger hit a tree, now all the birdies are falling out.
What a loser, his name should be El Dick, not Eldrick.
New Nike theme: “Just Did It”
After a hard round of gold, Tiger – like other golfers – celebrates at the 19th hole. He also celebrates at the 20th, 21st, 22nd, 23, 24th, 25th, 26th, 27th, 28th and 29th…….
This is very rude. Yes, Tiger made a mistake, but it shouldn’t be publicised like this. People say that they are sorry for Tiger, but I feel sorry for his family.
There is a price to pay for raising a child to believe they are better than everyone and being over competitive. Tiger’s father did give him a tremendous will and skill to beat everyone in the game of golf but with that came a kind of “disassociation”. Women are just beings to be conquered. Doubt Tiger will ever have the ability to be in a healthy relationship… probably the reason he hates Phil Michelsom so much. And his egocentric caddy only feeds the dysfunctional behavior.
OMG!!!! Get the hell over it. Stop complaining about people making jokes about what’s in the news, because I’m almost sure that you laughed your ass off when you read these! If you don’t want to read jokes about these kinds of things, close the site! As long as you don’t just sit around on your ass making comments about what people do to make it through the day.
7 mistresses = NO mercy
Woods cancelled three meetings with police and took almost a week to post an apology on his website. Which is odd, normally it doesn’t take Tiger that long to figure out how to play a bad lie.
No wonder he’s playing badly, hiding all the birdies
I heard Tiger Woods was looking for a support group.
But he couldn’t find one for men “who cheat on their hot blonde Swedish wives.”
Tiger has 9 mistresses. First time he’s gone 4 over par.
Even the best golfer in the world gets tired of playing his home course all the time.
The whole thing is Elin’s fault .. she would only let Tiger play the front nine
KFC’s coming out with a ‘Tiger Meal. White breast only.
Tiger is starring in a new movie:
Horn dog billionair
Elin’s lawyer has advised her to use the 9-iron next time, as she’s much closer to the “green”.
What song does Tiger keep hearing in his head?
Norwegian Wood
Tiggger spent too much time lining up his putz
I thought the idea of the game was fewer strokes
Did you hear that Tiger Woods would like to have a re-match in golf with Michael Jordan?
The chance of losing $10,000 per ‘hole’ seems pretty cheap for Tiger.
Surely Tiger knows by now you cant hit out of bounds without taking a penalty.
Im glad that tiger got nine alleged mistresses, now he can play the front and back nine!!
Learn the rules, Shankopotomus!
Elin should be 1 number ranked golfer now. she beat tiger by using only one club.
Tiger Woods is not into hole-in-one these days.
Now we know what Tiger and his wife were out doing at 2:30 in the morning.
Clubbing!!
You heard the Tabloids were looking for Tiger? They caught him playing 9 holes… and THEN he went to the golf course!
Difference between Santa and Tiger. Santa stops at three ho’s
What’s the difference between Cirque Du Soleil and Tiger Woods? One has a cunning array of stunts, and…
Tiger’s gonna end up with GatorAIDS.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at three Ho’s….
What is Tiger Wood’s wife doing at 2 AM? Clubbin…
Tiger’s wife is tied up in counseling and his ten mistresses are tied up with their financial advisors, yet somehow he still manages to get in 18 holes a day.
Tiger’s mistresses now claim after sex he gave them the golf clap.
His wife permanantly shut down the back nine, so he found 9 holes elsewhere
Why was Tiger speeding out of his driveway? He was trying to make it to the next hole.
Of course Tiger had a lot of girlfriends. He was always known for his great putz.
Tiger has changed golf’s elusive prize from a hole-in-one to more-than-one-hole !
Tiger’s taste in women runs Swedish – Elin and smorgasbord.
Nike’s new ad slogan: Just do it – Tiger would.
Tiger has holed a lot of birdies …
In order for Tiger to protect his privacy, Tiger will be changing his last name to ‘Woody’.
What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa only has three HO’s
Tiger’s driver wanders, tees off wife.
Tiger is back in the hospital. He was eating an ice cream cone when a scoop fell into his lap, giving him a severe case of brain freeze.
He has 11 holes down and 7 more to go
These were great, thanks everyone!
Tigers may not change their stripes, but they sure do like to change their women!
What’s the difference betwen Santa Claus and Tiger Woods ?
Santa Claus stopped at three ho’s.
Tiger is a cheetah who has been lion
All those how dislike Tiger will dislike him more with all the renew motivation he will have when he gets back on the golf course. I personally think all of these joke are a bit of hidden racism. You all are only giving Tiger more fuel to succeed on the golf course.
Yeah he did real good with his “comeback” didnt he?
Guy is a class A douchebag and gets what he deserves.
Now we know the secrete of his success. Tiger practises on plenty greens.
Tiger. Fall back on your African heritage. Come back home. You can then have all the women you want, even marry them. The more the merrier!! No punches with polygamy..
People get alife you are telling me that none of you have ever made a mistake in you whole life.How many of you would put your whole life in the media if your spouse had an affair on you.Let Tiger and his family try to live their life the best they can without other people make chokes about what happened.Why are you using Elin in your jokes she doesn’t deserve this because she did nothing wrong.Having an affair is nothing to joke about because it is a very painful thing and unless you been through it you would not understand how much pain it can cause so please leave this family alone or put yourself in their shoes and see how you like it.For all you people out there mmaking jokes about this should be ashamed because GOD does not ugly and all of this is just plain ugly the way some of you are acting.I’m not saying that Tiger is not wrong for what he did but who are we to judge.Judge your own life.
Wah wah ‘BOO’,…call a frikken wambulance. Tiger is in the public eye and is a leading sportsperson of the world. Inherently being a role model and a person people look up to comes with that, whether you like it or not. People are going to jump on the band wagon, nothing you can do about it.
What does a Tiger and Seals have in common ? They both get clubbed by Norwegians !!
I don’t think Tiger’s driving was all that suspicious. He is part Asian isn’t he?
What is the difference between Tiger and Sant Claus?
Santa stopped after 3 Ho’s
anotherr joke, “Whats the difference between Santa, & Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three ho’s” ;D
BREAKING NEWS!!! Tiger Woods has announced he will sit out the entire 2010 season. He explained in a press conference he has lost his game. He can no longer drive straight and his putz ends up in the wrong hole.
Tiger’s new name: Cheetah Wood
Why does Tiger carry a little towel when he’s playing a round? To keep his balls dry.
I don’t know why anyone was surprised, he has been driving into trees for years.
I was waiting for someone to play the race card.
The gist ~ I can’t eplain how but it must be racist because Tiger is Asian American.
Tiger asked a lady to play a round with him. Sure, she says. It’s your honour, I think.
When did it all go wrong, Tiger?
“Well, Davey, It all started with Unlucky rule 13. I thought I could get free relief from a previously unfilled divot”.
So, Tiger, why the loss of form?
“Well, Davey, I always tried to play straight down the middle. The fair way. But I’ve had a few hookers lately”.
I am taking myself off your mailing list. I thought that at least you had enough class to stay out of this bashing of a man who has done more than anybody else in the past couple of decades to bring the game of golf to a much wider audience. Not to mention his charities.
Elin, I said, Elin tell me. Why didn’t you swing at Tiger with the golf stick after he crashed?
she said “Davey, At first I couldn’t see Woods for that Tree”.
Tiger’s designing a new golf course. He’s only up to the eleventh hole so far.
It is 12 and counting.. what do you think how many it is going to be? I guess at least 6 more. Tiger never stops without completing 18 holes.
Scene 1…. Tiger walking through mega mart…. looks at the counter and speaks “What’s this throw away cell phones 125 million ….. um
When Santa wishes Tiger a Ho, Ho, Ho he asks if it’s a statement or a question!
Tiger Woods won’t be winning ‘Golfer of the Year’. He just won ‘Player of the Year”.
See Tiger backed into a tree and dug up his old roots…
Q. What does Tiger Woods have in common with the week-end golfer?
A. They both have drives that get away from them.
Q. Why did Tiger Woods’ wife chase him with a 5 iron?
A. Because he really tee-ed her off…
Q. What do Tiger Wods and Ted Kennedy have in common as golfers?
A. They both can have horrible drives, Tiger in to the trees and Ted in to the drink…
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
Santa stops after three HO’s
to the ppl winging bout these jokes… Omg a mistake u LEARN from … Not repeat 7 more times … IF he was sorry he wouldnt of done it.. IF he was thinking of his family he wouldnt of wrecked their home! Dont defend a bloke that if he done it to u you would b more than making jokes! Stop being spoil sports n laugh no one likes proods… Jokes r always made though we all kno what he did sn many times with no guilt was wrong no mater who he is !
The other morning, Tiger’s neighbor asked him, “Where are you going so early in the morning?” He said, “I’m going to go play eighteen holes.” The neighbor said, “You don’t look like you’re dressed for golf.” Tiger said, “Golf? Who said anything about golf?”
Tiger always said, “Someday, I wanna date a perfect ten.” It took a while for him to find them!
Professional golfers are calling Tiger’s wife, asking, “What kind of golf club would you recommend if I want to beat Tiger Woods?”
Maybe instead of Tiger the girls called him Woody Woodspecker
This could be great news for his Gillette sponsorship – just think of the possibilities…. “Gillette – for the man that wants to go beyond a close shave!”
Was Tiger’s wife trying to mash his niblick?
Did you hear they are going to stop making Tiger Woods flavor Gatorade? Yea, they said it’s got a skany after taste.
I opened a fortune cookie last night and it said:
He who drives well in the fairway, does not fair well in the driveway>
To the tune of Bye,Bye, Blackbird:
Pack up all my tees and fores
I’m too busy chasing whores
Bye, Bye , sponsors
Cadillac was once an ad
Buick too, now theyr’e mad
Bye, Bye, sponsors
Why don’t you give Tiger a break! He’s the only reason most of America watches golf! He’s human and no one is perfect. It’s a personal matter that we should let him deal with. Who are we to make fun of him?
Tiger apparently now has achieved many more than 3 career grand slams.
Contrary to reports, GM will maintain it’s relationship, and will be starting a new campaign to market Tiger’s official car – the Buick Rendezvous
Tiger has just come out in support of Martha Burk – for allowing women as members at Augusta. Would be a lot more convenient for him Masters week.
Tiger can’t figure out what fuss is all about. “There’s got to be some kind of record for the longest string of birdies!”
The company that wants Tiger to sponsor them is “LAYS” potato chips. (Bet you just can’t have one)
HA HA these are great comments. Sorry Elin, you were never anything but a trophy bride for the idiot anyway. How can I say that – because his actions prove it. Tiger was good at golf but is obvoiusly lousy at life.
Why does tiger woods say his pro is alot like his personal life because in his personel life he still has to play 18 holes. Tiger Woody
Did you hear that Tiger changed his name?
Really, to what?
He can’t decide between Cheetah and Lyin’ King.
Tiger and his wife did have a small quarrel that night.
He wanted to go for a ride and she wanted to go clubbing.
I understand tigers are meat lovers. Is this tiger’s
preference white meat only?
I honestly don’t understand the fuss about Tiger Woods. I mean his whole life revolves around being able to play as many different holes as possible.
tiger woods got fired as a gilette spokesman because he said he’s crash was the closest shave he’d ever had
What’s the difference between Santa and tiger woods?? Santa stops at three ho’s
Daymmm… a lot of Holes played with Tiger’s Wood!
Q. Who is the greediest, Tiger Woods or Santa Claus?
A. Tiger Woods. – Santa stopped at three hos.
Q. What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
A. Santa only comes once a year. ;]
Added Joke
Whats the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus?…
Santa stops at three Ho’s !!!!
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Santa Claus knew when to stop after three HO’s!
I saw on the news that Tiger’s Mother-in-law fainted and was taken hospital after she told her daughter she was number 11.
I believe the moral of the story is “That’s what happens when you misplace your putter.”
First Tiger alienates the women of America by having multiple affairs.
Then he alienates the men of America by giving up golf for his wife.
Let’s stop repeating the same joke please. Quit filling sorry for poor Tiger and Elin. Life is rough, they take a year off at on a island w/ 6 bedroom home…whaa. They had no problem being Public when it paid millions…no problem acting like a goody two shoes to get paid those millions. So, after years of getting duped, people have a right to make a few jokes at their expense. I noticed that the jokes didn’t start until it was proven beyond a doubt he was behaving like an ass. Not many people get that, proved just how much he duped us.
Tiger’s had his balls in the rough one too many times.
If only Tiger’s Dad had taught him the Word of God and Golf. His life would be different today. Most of have to learn the hard way.
Proverbs 7:20-30 (New Living Translation)
20 He has taken a wallet full of money with him
and won’t return until later this month.[a]”
21 So she seduced him with her pretty speech
and enticed him with her flattery.
22 He followed her at once,
like an ox going to the slaughter.
He was like a stag caught in a trap,
23 awaiting the arrow that would pierce its heart.
He was like a bird flying into a snare,
little knowing it would cost him his life.
24 So listen to me, my sons,
and pay attention to my words.
25 Don’t let your hearts stray away toward her.
Don’t wander down her wayward path.
26 For she has been the ruin of many;
many men have been her victims.
27 Her house is the road to the grave.[b]
Her bedroom is the den of death.
What is one golf expression that Tiger will never say to his wife again???
Hey Honey, I’m just going to play another 9 holes!!!
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
-Santa stops after three “ho’s”
Tiger’s new corporate sponsors, cialus, trojan, extends, and hustler.
Tiger never was good at ‘improving his lie’.
I just bought a Tiger Woods video called ‘My favourite 18 holes’ and it turned out to just be about golf.
Come on, fellas. Give the poor guy a break. Seriously. I mean, all he was doing was practicing his drive.
Tiger thought the Nike slogan was “Just do her”!!!
Hey Nike,
It’s 11 pm. Do you know where Tiger is?
Kamau,
First of all, Tiger has never embraced his African roots, so let him stay right where he is. Don’t expect the African- American community to embrace him now that he has fallen from grace with the white folks. Tiger stated years ago that he was “Cabla-Asian”. So I expect him to seek support from the “Cabla-Asian” community.
Second,we all need to focus more attention on real issues that impact everyday people: an escalating war, inadequate health care; drugs and crime, etc. Let’s some energy into into creating a better society for all Americans instead of worrying about a billionaire’s past present , or future Tiger can walk away from golf forever, and he and his family will live well without want for any of the basic necessities of life.
Wake up everybody!!.One man’s indiscretions are just not that important to the average American. In other words, “He ain’t that important!!”
this is the best thing i’ve seen so far — “Balls of the Tiger”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bxJYAOYngCw
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 ho’s!
whats the diffrence beetween santa clause and tiger woods…. santa stops after 3 hoes
Here is a great collection of Tiger Woods Jokes:
http://njfrogman.blogspot.com/2009/12/inevitable-tiger-woods-jokes.html
Complete!
Question:
What is the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus?
Answer:
Santa stopped at three ho’s
I heard that the club that Elin used on the Escalade was a Bitching Wedge.
Also, when the madam asked Tiger how many women he wanted for the orgy, he replied, “Fore!”
I wrote a bunch of bad newspaper headlines. Oh Tiger….
http://www.sebastienwilcox.com/2009/12/a-dozen-tiger-woods-headlines-that-i-forwarded-to-the-calgary-sun/
Why did Tiger Woods ditch golf for waitresses? That’ s because they are so tweet.
I could have won but I had none.
You need eleven to become world no. one.
Tiger woods proves women power.
More jokes and funny pix about the Tiger scandal…
http://www.golfisafunnygame.com/Tiger_Woods_Jokes.html
Just making birdies.
Two woman at once is now a double bogey.
Sorry Elin I have go practice my putting.
He always has his socks on his woods while playing golf I wonder about his atire at night.
Just washing my balls.
Excellent Tiger Woods Jokes & very nice site.
congrats to make a excellent site.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
Answer: Santa stops at 3 ho’s
Tiger Woods goes to the doctor after his wife rammed a golf club up his ass. The doctor took one look and said that is up a fair way
Cant wait for the porno spoof movie to come out about this whole saga!
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three “ho ho ho’s”.
Theo WEST?….when will private matters between married couples be private matter?
When Married couples start ACTING like married couples again !!!!
ESSO’s parent company Exxon has given then the go ahead to hire Tiger Woods for it’s new ad campaign “Put a Tiger in your Skank”
His new name is lion/cheetah!
“Jeanette… The Best A Man Can Get”………. Or Babette, Collette, Lynette, Nanette, Suzette, Yvette…….
i wounder if tiger just played th front 9 or all 18 holes
Viagra announces new sponsorship deal with Tiger.
“Get wood as good as Woods!”
Something always told me that,
“a hole in one” was never good
enough for Tiger!
Do you know the difference betweeen Tiger being a zero and a hero………….”a marriage license”
The actions of Tiger Woods have captured both national and worldwide media attention. We commend you for presenting an aspect of this unfolding story.
A rapidly growing number of fans on I did not sleep with Tiger Woods Fan Page want to turn this negative into a positive and produce something constructive. We want Tiger’s sponsors (who pay him over 100 million dollars annually) to give 10% to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, which is not affiliated with our Fan Page.
Our Fan Page on Facebook has amassed over 2000 members in the first 24 hours. To check it out, please go to:
http://www.facebook.com/IDidNotSleepWithTigerWoods
Thank you,
I did not sleep with Tiger Woods Fan Page
Tiger numba 1 foo. Tiger is always hittin somtin weather it be golf balls or women. that foo gets more ass than a toilet seat!
what is the difference between santa and tiger ??? sant stops after three ho’s
For all of those who think that Tiger’s life should be private, please realize that he gets paid the big bucks to be a celebrity. That’s part of the lifestyle. If you want to be an idiot and screw around on your wife when you’re a major sports figure, you’re fair game for criticism. It sucks for his family, but his wife married him knowing she was going to be a public figure. Again, it comes with the territory.
TIGER, tiger, burning bright
With the women of the night,
What immoral hand or eye
Defame thy wife so cynically?
In what distant deeps or thighs
Burnt the fire of thine highs?
On what wings of deep desire?
What the hand dare seize the liar?
And what golfer and what tart
Could twist the sinews of thy part?
And when thy part began to throb,
What dread hand and what dread-lock?
What the hammer? what the chain?
Where the furnace was thy brain?
What the evil? What long grasp
Dare its deadly trembles clasp?
When the stars threw down their clubs,
And water hazard with their tears,
Did He smile His tool to see?
Did He who made the lamb take thee?
Tiger, tiger, burning bright
In the strumpets of the night,
What immoral groin or thigh
Wear Nike kit for ever nigh?
Hey number “boo” post 72….you need to get a life you moron, Tiger didnt make one mistake like everyone else, he made 11 so far. And the fact that you think “everyone ha had their fair share,” is beyond ignorant. So you think that everyone cheats on their wife 11 times. Im a HUGE Tiger fan, but he deserves everything that comes to him right now.
whats the difference between santa and tiger woods santa stops at 3 hoes
I know you’ve heard the rumor that Tiger’s wife is pregnant again. That is not true. That came from a news update, “Tiger has accident…doesn’t pull out in time.”
wHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TIGER WOODS AND SANTA CLAUS? SANTA STOPS AT THREE HO’S
Did you hear that Tiger’s wife and mistresses all left him?
Tiger said, “Where’s the white women at?”
I heard on the last hole tiger played ….. his caddy read the put and said “Go for BROKE”
Tiger Woods is giving up golf for acting. He’s going to be in the Christmas pantomime about Hansul and Gretel, but instead of it being called “Babes in the Woods”, its going to be called “Babes on the Woods”…
This all makes me smile. For years I’ve not been a Tiger fan and people have always asked me why. Well, Tiger is a good golfer, but he is not now, nor has he ever been a good person. He attitude on and off the course with fans and others has always been mean and rude to say the least. He lacks the morale capacity to be a good person and these last few weeks have only let the whole world know what so many have already known. Tiger is a LOSER. His wife and kids do not deserve all this, but Tiger derserves it all and more. The old saying is true… be sure your sins will find you out… Well, now everyone knows the REAL Tiger. I hope he NEVER plays golf again, and I hope he will be the example of what you tell your kids to NOT be.
Why did Tiger have to give up golf? He had too many irons in the fire
How many affairs could a Tiger Woods have had if all the women were like Mrs. Woods?
All the affairs that Tiger Woods would have had if Mrs. Woods had been a swinger and had not swung a wood at his head.
I’m telling you, rich people need to learn to carry cash! It’s a hell of a lot easier when tipping your waitresses for great service!
People are saying that Tiger lied…but how many times has he told Elin that he was going to go play a round (around)
I heard tiger shot a 69 without even stepping a foot on the golfcourse.
Q – Whats the deference between tiger woods and santa clause?
A – Santa clause stops at 3 “ho’s”
Well we have finally answered the old adage “Does a bear @##$$ in the woods?” No only Tiger
News Flash!! Tiger has fired his caddie, apparently he forgot to tell him when to use a driver.
Tiger’s sports psychologist thinks that Tiger may never be able to play competitive golf again. He believes Tiger’s psyche may not be able to handle it when he gets back out on the course and makes a hole in 4 or 5 strokes after getting so many holes-in-one lately.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause?
Santa stops after 3 Ho’s
18 women that have sex with Tiger Woods are called…
A Golf Course!
unlike Tiger i prefer to keep my balls out of the rough!
Phil Mickleson is glad Tiger had so many affairs, now he has multiple people to ask advice on how to beat Tiger Woods.
What do you get when you cross a Swedish woman and a 9 iron?
A pissed off Swedish woman who kicks your ass and breaks your windows.
How many strokes does it take for Tiger to get it in the hole?
None. He just takes hold and putts it right in.
Why is it that when someone is good at sports, the next thing they become is the media equivalent of a “role model” and everyone must fall over in wonder whenever they walk, run or drive by?
To miss your childs baptism says most of what Tiger is all about (he had a previous engagement). To suggest that Tiger is special (according to Michael Jordan – this guy actually thinks he has something to say about family values and morality) as we listen to Oprah and all those celeberties who lead lives which are so “wholesome” and we all should listen when they talk (so much about so little) and to suggest that we should buy products because shallow people who are good at ???? – just pick a sport – tell us to is what made America great.
I think each and every “American” including all those who have legally attained citizenship and can produce their birth certificate without a “legal battle” taking many months and court proceedings (Sorry Obama ) should take a moment and rethink everything they have been taught about “just what makes a person successful” and just what it means to be a “true” role model.
Listening to Oprah talk about her many diets and Michael Jordan talking about “Tiger” as if he has been sent by the “One” is truly reaching a low point in American history.
Tiger needs a new show: “Extreme (Celebrity Image Make-over)…(Broken) Home Edition.”
In theaters everywhere – summer 2010 –
“Crotching Tiger, Hidden Wood”
Here’s my own personal Tiger Woodss Driving School video…
http://sportschump.net/2009/12/03/sportschumpnet-presents-out-of-the-tiger-woods-driving-school-video/2402/
Bye Bye birdie ….all the women really got your balls…one too many holes you had to deal with…and now you have a hard time just doing it…..
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart
and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy , you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”
Q: Whats the difference between Santa & Tiger Woods?
A: Santa stops after 3 Ho’s
When Tiger crashed his car they didn’t take him to the hospital, They took him to the vet to be neutered.
When Tiger annonounced his indefinite time away from professional golf, I called to see if he had any clubs to give away…I knew Elin already had his balls.
Tiger is a very competitive guy. He was queitly trying to break the legendary Wilt Chamberlain’s record of sleeping with over 2000 women.
Tiger’s father is to blame. From the time Tiger was 3 years old, his father pounded into head that he had to put it in the hole.
If Tiger decides to retire from golf, at least he will go out on top….
On top of Rachel,Jaimee,Cori,Julie,Kalika,etc….
What’s the difference bettween tiger woods and Santa claus. Santa stops at 3 hoes
tiger woods has given a whole new meaning to the phrase “go get em tiger”
Anybody know the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Clause? Just wondering ……
Why is Santa Claus smarter than Tiger Woods? A: He knows enough to stop after three “Ho”s.
Come on, he is only human, but to me his golf if the best, jokes are awesome, but he really does well at golf, so cheers to you Tiger, keep it going, cause yah know if i met yah i would have been 315 maybe, foresure, no doubt
DID YOU HEAR THAT TIGER WOODS HAS GOTTEN INTO THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT. HE’S GONE CAROLIN’. CAROLYN SMITH, CAROLYN RICE, CAROLYN WILLIAMS.
HIS FAVORITE SONG “I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE MISTRESS.”
WHEN ASKED ABOUT HIS ACCIDENT, TIGER SAID, “I WAS PRACTICING MY DRIVE.”
Teacher:Whats a Cablinasian?
Student:A Tiger in the woods that is transformed into a Cheetah by 18 holes.
How did Tiger Woods get so good at golf?
He always played a round before breakfast and again after dinner.
What does Toger Woods Christmas cards say this year?
Ho Ho Ho
Why did Tiger Woods cheat on his wife?
She wouldn,t let him play the back holes any more.
Tiger is a Cheeta whos been Lion!!!!!!!
why does tiger woods like to water the plants
cause he likes to hold the hoes
why does tiger like to get his picture taken?
Cause he likes getting flashed!
Hes a film maker, and you know what that means….
Bowchicabowbow
What did Tiger’s wife say after she hit him with the club? Ahhhhh…. sliced it!!
What about the pantomine babes in the woods renamed Woods in the babes
What is the difference between Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at 3 HO’s!
Tiger Woods Christmas Carol
(By DD and RG)
I’m dreaming of a white Mistress
Just like the ones I used to know
Where her implants glistened…
and cell phones listened…
To hear “This is huge, she knows!”
I’m dreaming of some cheap bimbos
To meet in hotels for the night
May their lips be silent and tight…
Better hide the golf clubs from my wife
I’m dreaming of a white Mistress
With every waitress I invite…
May my endorsement contracts remain…
And a “sex addiction” I will blame.
Whats the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
……Santa Claus stops at three ho’s.
What does Tiger use to wash his balls?
A Blonde
Tiger is sure to be named Player of the Year in 2010, even though he won’t play golf. This nomination won’t come from the PGA though, but from Playboy magazine.
What was the first word Tiger said to Elin when he came back home after the whole world heard about his mistresses?
Meow!
Gatorade cancelled their contract with Tiger, a contract immediately taken over by Viagra.
If the couple gets a divorce, Elin has no intention of leaving Tiger more than a stick and two balls.
Gillette won’t make Tiger any more lavish gifts. Tiger, like must of us, will have to buy his rasor blades at the corner store.
Tiger won’t be supporting Gillette rasor blades anymore.
Does that mean that we will have to come back to the electric rasor?
Many of his fans say that they are still behind him, no matter what. Some of the female fans, though, are in a much more comfortable position than others with him.
If Tiger was to decide to stay home for a while, he could appear in ads for John Deere lawn mowers and Electrolux vacuum cleaners.
If the couple gets a divorce, Elin is sure to get all the electric appliances. This way Tiger will not be shocked.
When God created mankind he gave each of us a will of our own. You can decide what you wan’t to do in life….He gave us the Ten commandments…You don’t have to obey them. Likewise you don’t have to obey the laws of the country you live in…But if you decide to disobey those laws you’ll have to prepare yourself fo the consequences. If you decide to cheat on your wife/husband you have to prepare yourself for the consequences…Decisions, choises, and actions have consequences. This blog is a consequence of Tigers actions and a warning to anybody who has similar plans.
What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?
Santa stops after three Ho’s…
who would of thouht you could in so much trouble for
getting in a few extra holes!
Barry Sanders retired a good 5 years before he really had to. Tiger may be well served to follow Barry’s lead.
One big difference. Barry has class.
THE NEW TIGER SET OF IRONS……. “You can really get your teeth into them!!!!!!
Wats the difference between Santa an me Santa stops at three hoes. Lolololololololololol
whats the difference between tiger woods and santa claus?
Santa stops at three hoes
Whats the difference between tiger woods and Santa Clause?
Santa stops at three hoe’s
Just wasted $20 on the latest Tiger Woods DVD “My Favourate 18 holes.
Turns out it was all about golf
What’s Tiger Woods favorite course?
Intercourse!!
What’s the difference between Hugh Hefner and Tiger Woods? Hugh Hefner doesn’t waste his time playing golf.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops after 3 hoes.
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and a garden? A garden only needs 1 hoe.
Tiger really needs to work on his drive.
Did you guys hear about the new “Tiger Woods doll”
available this Christmas?
It comes with twelve Barbies!!
What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods?
Santa stopped at 3 ho’s.
what is the difference between tiger woods and santa….. santa stoped at 3 ho’s
whats the difference between tiger and santa? santa only did three hoes.
Interviewer: Mr. Woods, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
Tiger: Um…uh… I go home
What’s the difference between an escalade and a driver?
Tiger Woods can only drive an escalade 80 feet!
Tiger Woods Holiday Poem
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin’, chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn’t too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin’ on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin’ them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’,
Tiger’s wife went investin’ — a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
“If you’re gettin’ laid then I’m gettin’ paid.”
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.
Now thats why tigers hitting it in the rought alot, because thats how he likes it
Whats the difference between Woody wood pecker and tiger woods???? One uses its pecker to make holes while the other uses his pecker to FILL holes
NUMBER #89 IS THE CLEAR WINNER……. BUT THE PRICE MAY TRIPLE…..
So Tiger 18 holes weren’t enough?
You know, you said the Santa joke wrong. Tiger didn’t stop at 3. Santa did.
This one is a riot from George Lopez:
“Let me put it in terms that golfers would understand. He played the wrong hole, had an errant drive and now he’s got to get out of a bad lie.”
and it’s variation,
“He played the wrong hoes, drove it into the tree and is now trying to get out of some pretty bad lies.”
tiger woods has said he has all intentions of becoming even a better golfer in 2010 by placing blond hair around the Green holes.
It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have
turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the
children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early
dismissal.
Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today.”
Little Johnny says to himself “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m smart
and will answer the question.”
Teacher: “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, “Abraham Lincoln.”
Teacher: “That’s right Susie, you can go home.”
Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: “Who said ‘I Have a Dream’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, “Martin Luther King.”
Teacher: “That’s right Mary, you can go.”
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?”
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, “John F. Kennedy.”
Teacher: “That’s right Nancy, you may also leave.”
Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, “I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!”
The teacher turns around: “NOW WHO SAID THAT?”
Johnny: “TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?”
What is Tiger Woods’s biggest regret? He never spent a night in Paris.
Latest update: Tiger has played hole no 15 (as far as we know), he has not lost any balls and it is uncertain how many holes he intends to play in his present round.
Tiger has no respect for the sancitity of Mistresses
Tiger Woods came out with a new book its called “How to Get in 18 Holes Without Your Wife Knowing”
a lion would never cheat on his wife… but a tiger wood
18 holes wern’t enough , tiger?
The new Viagra, Tiagra, it’s good for 18 holes.
tiger fired his cajjy. gives a whole new meaning to carrying your own club.
tiger played 18 holes on and off the course
Tiger lost before he played all 18, he must have lost, Down 7 with 6 hos to go.
And now a new ball for Tiger to endorse…Nookie. They say it is easy to stick the greens with and can take endless strokes. The line will be…I will wear you out.
This just in. Tiger thought he had won and then found out he had been disqualified…..for not counting all his strokes. As it turned out, he did try, but the counter mechanism he was using could not go that high.
Why did Tiger Woods stop at 9 affairs?
Just to have a 18 hole course!
It is near christmas break of the school and all of the students have turned in all of the work..There is nothing more to do and the kids are restless..so the teacher decides to have a early release..The teacher says whoever answers the questions i ask first and correct can leave early..Little johnny says to himself good i want to get out of here.Im smart and will answer the question.The teacher asks who said 4 score and 7 years ago? Before johnny can open his mouth susie says abraham lincoln! The girl got it correct and got to leave. Johnny is a lil mad that susie answered first..The teacher asks who said I have a dream? before johnny answered mary says MLK! She got it right and was able to leave..Johnny is even madder. The teacher asks who said ask not, what your country can do for you..before johnny can open his mouth nancy answers JFK! The girl got it right and got to leave..Johnny is pissed off now..When the teacher turned her back johnny says I wish these little women would keep their mouths shut! The teacher turns around and says who said that?! lil johnny says Tiger Woods, can i go now??
Some of the women that Tiger Woods had slept with are saying that he didn’t where protection. Yeah!!!, he covers all of his golf clubs but not his driver
What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and a golf course groundsman?
The groundsman can manage 18 holes
what would cheat on other animals??
~a tiger wood
Did you hear Tiger lost Nike as a sponsor?
They said he took their slogan a little too seriously.
Just do it
Tiger Woods was an icon for both men and women. Unfortunately, while living in the public eye, his pubic eye was wandering too. If you choose to live in a field of professional sports, dont deny what you are, embrace it. Dont marry a supermodel, marry someone like John Daly did, but he did it 4 times at least. I am not ashamed of myself for laughing, he brought it on himself for being dumb.
Tiger has it coming. He never should have gotten married in the first place. He didn’t make mistakes–he made deliberate choices (as evident in the multiple women). TIger is great in golf but he knew what he was doing wasn’t right. Still the best golfer, but he deserves the ridicule…
How many of Tiger’s mistresses does it take to screw on a light bulb?
Answer: FOUR!
Upon winning his last tournament the Australian Masters Tiger Woods was asked which jacket he would prefer to wear, the Green or Gold. I don’t care about the colour so long as its RIBBED!
What chance did Tiger have theres a PRO SHOP at every course he plays.
A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a tiger wood.
Tiger is scheduled for 18 holes tomorrow morning.
Then 18 hos in the afternoon.
Since Obama picked up his Nobel Peace prize a few week back, the Nobel committee seeks to remain in the news with a new award for Tiger. The Nobel “Get-a-Piece” prize.
New wild life documentary is comin’ out.
The Lion Cheeta has a Cougar.
Forgot one.
Three hottie co-eds are planning to attend Tiger’s first tournament back by making up some tight t-shirts to wear when prowling the gallery. To say, “Wild Animals, our foursome is not full”.
I heard Tiger is changing his name to Cheeta Woods..
Hey Tiger Woods, 18 Holes wasnt enough??
At the rate these new GFs are appearing, I’ll enough for Playboy calendars to last ’til I’m 90.
Tiger Woods’ jokes are about as funny as an STD.
Tiger after being dropped by many sponsors, picked up a new one for 2010…Trojan
Tiger wood is changing his name to lion or cheeta
Tiger was driving his Caddy between girlfriends when it farted and stopped outside a small garage.
He went in and asked the old mechanic if he could take a look at it.
As they were both leaning over the motor, a golf tee fell from Tiger’s shirt pocket on to the motor cover.
The old mechanic spotted the tee and asked what it was.
Tiger said “It’s for resting your balls on whilst driving”
To which the mechanic replied, “Boy, Cadillac think of everything!”
wats the diff between santa and tiger woods santa stops at 3 ho’s
a lion wouldnt cheat on his wife but tiger wood
Tiger’s Wood has got him into deep trouble yet again. He has Lost confidence with his drive again after hitting a tree.
Now he cant play his way out of a Newspaper!
His soon to be ex-wife, Elin, sure strikes a mean 5 iron though, that has put even the great Tiger Woods to Shame.
Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide….
Tiger could have a big future alongside Ron Jeremy making movies!
whats the difference between tiger woods and a golf course?
Tiger Woods get more the 18 holes
Tiger has never been good at the short drive…
Tiger’s wife shouldn’t have been surprised by his affairs. He always told her he was going out to play around.
those who drive well in the fairway don’t fair well in the drive way
I went to buy my dad a Tiger Woods DVD for christmas called my favourite 18 holes…put it back as soon as i realised it was about golf!!
By the way…for the record…i absolutely love Tiger i think he is a hero…but i found this joke hillarious. People need to lighten up he won’t be reading any of this. If he is…hurry back Tiger we miss you!!
WHAT TIGER… 18 HOLES WEREN’T ENOUGH 4 U
whats the difference between tiger woods and golf?
golf stops at 18 holes
Heres a funny Tiger Woods affair joke my friend told me…
You know how Tiger Woods had like 92 girlfriends? Apperantly 18 holes just wasnt enough.
There’s a new drug out which not only improves your sex life; it also improves your golf game. It’s called TIAGARA.
Tiger has now screwed so many people he can now apply to practice law in 42 states.
Tiger will show up at the Masters with a new sponsor on his golf bag: Viagra
I say he hit that one in the blummin’ bush, hey? The scub, as it were….. right right!!!!
Did you hear viagra came out with a new brand??? Its called tiagra, it for if 18 hole aint enough
did you hear Tiger picked up a new sponsor the 19th hole.
I refuse to be chastised and lectured to because I’m enjoying this. OK, truth be told I’m really really enjoying this. Tiger Woods has put himself in front of us in the most public way, over and over again in order to make money. Lots and Lots of money. Because of this he has forfeited his right to privacy. People who cheat on their spouses are scum. Pure and simple, no discussion. “forsaking all others” is the most important promise you make in your life, usually made in the presence of god. Tiger is a piece of trash. Keep the jokes coming, and stay tuned in for Tiger’s announcement that he’s actually a sex addict. What a pathetic loser.
Heres a funny one: A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.
tiger must have stroked out due to 2 much viagra.
It seems he’s driven into a bit of a “Stikky Whikket”…….. what!
Little Tommy was in school one day and the teacher decided to give the student who could answer the question she asked, the rest of the day off of school. Tommy was excited because he did not like school. The teacher asked, “What president wrote the speech Ask Not What Your Country Can do For You?” Little Tommy was very excited because he knew the answer! Tommy was not quick enough because Sally answered first, “Why that was JFK” She said. “Very good!” replied the teacher, “You may leave for the day.” Little Tommy was very upset, that was so easy he knew that one! The teacher decided to do just one more and she asked, “What president’s speech began with the words, ‘Four score and seven years ago?” Tommy knew this one also but this time Suzie beat him to the answer, “That was Abe Lincoln.” “Very good”, replied the teacher, “You may go home”. The teacher turned to the chalk board to write down their assignments. In the back of the room Little Tommy was infuriated and he yelled, “MAN! I WISH THOSE WOMEN WOULD JUST SHUT UP!” The teacher turned quickly around and shouted, “Who said that!” Little Tommy said, “Tiger Woods, can I go home now?”
Augusta GA course is building a new ClubHouse in honor of Tiger.
There’s a sign on the front that says, “ENTRANCE IN REAR”
“You da man…… whore!”
What did Tiger Woods say to his wife after having sex? I will be home in 30 minutes….
Would a lion cheat? No, but Tiger Wood.
did you hear how bad tiger was hurt in the car wreck?when they found him he was half black and blue
Its nearing the end of the day at the golf course and Tiger is finishing up his first round of 18 holes… Oh wait, I’m sorry did i say holes… I meant to say hes finishing up his first round of 18 hoes
For what it’s worth.
Tiger Woods should man up to his mistake. Take the
advice from Mel Gibson, admit your mistake and move on. Your later actions will prove whether you really mean what you say regarding aplogies and self affirmations. People will respect that more.
There is no quick fix, it doesn’t exist.
If it’s true that he’s checking into a sex addict program, that’s a cop out in trying to play the victim card. All men/women could be sex addicts if they choose to be, but there’s that thing called self responsiblity that trumps all.
18 holes just wasn’t enough…
whats the difference from Santa Clause and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at three hoes!!
Tiger isn’t the only man who has cheated on his wife in the past ten years. That’s his and Elin’s problem. He is still the greatest golfer ever and I can’t wait for him to return. Hope he gets his life straightened out. After all, he has two little kids. Fortunately, they are too young to read all the jokes about their father.
Would a lion cheat on his wife?
No, But Tiger Woods.
Tiger Woods checked into sex rehab today. Actually he checked into three but they don’t know about each other.
Tiger gave one of his mistresses the crabs. Now she’s a scratch golfer too.
When Tiger attends LPGA events he stands near the greens because he likes to watch the ladies get up and down.
New evidence suggests Elin cut off Tiger’s balls at the accident scene. The marshals found them 2 club lengths fro the vehicle.
It’s like Earl always said, you gotta play ‘em one hole at a time.
These are funny! Keep them coming!
question: whats the difference between a titleist and an escalade?
answer: tiger can drive a titleist 400 yards
tiger never actually lied to his wife. every time before he left left he’d call out “im just going to play a-round”
Q: Why does Tiger Woods play 2 rounds of golf at a time?
A: Because 18 Holes just isn’t enough!
ha ha tiger woods what an idiot
should have gone to specksavers
So one day a guy walks into walmart, wanting to buy a copy of Grand theft auto: San andreas. The Cashier doesn’t know what that game is, so she asks “What do you do in it?” and the guy responds “Well, you crash a lot of cars, have multiple girlfriends, and you can beat up people with golf clubs.” so she brings him Tiger Woods PGA golf 2010.
Tiger has renamed his foundation to ‘The First T and A’
here is a good joke… tigers new name is cheeta woods!! lol
Q: Why does Tiger Woods wear two condoms?
A: So he doesn’t make a hole in one!
Corny I know…but sort of funny I suppose.
Okay Tiger Woods got a little cocky with him and the real world. So what if he was with ten or twenty woman i do it all the time and look where it has gotten me. I am a very successful cashier at a local H.E.B. Now why couldnt Tiger be the worlds best cashier. There he wouldnt have caused a world crisis……
A Washington DC area company Tuneek.com just created this Tiger Woods Valentines Day Apology song. Go to the link indicated below and scroll down to “Tiger Apologizes”. Its classic hilarious!
http://www.tuneek.com/songlibrary/category/22
A lion wouldent cheat on his wife but a tiger wood
P
Tiger probably wouldn’t have been caught if he’d quit after the 9th hole.
I Lion Would Never Cheat On It’s Wife, But A Tiger Wood.
Did you hear hey just found Tiger’s hidden sex tape? Yeah it’s titled “18 holes before Christmas.”
hey tiger, there is an L in hole, but you can have hoes too
A Lion Wouldn’t Cheat on His Wife, but A Tiger Wood.
It was Elins fault…. she didnt trim her green. And we all know that Tiger dosent like lying in the rough…
WOW… You all need a life… About roughly 5 in 100 people cheat on their spouse’s in AMERIACA alone… so I wouldn’t really be this upset… Tiger is wonderful and made a mistake! He made a public apperance today to say “I’m sorry, Elin” so don;t make fun of him… I came to this site to see the nasty comments so I could try and stop them… so don’t be a hater(s)! You didn’t make up jokes aobut him if he was DEAD!! So screw off and leave them alone! Imagine how Tiger feels about this!! God….. stupid…. you all made this worse by visiting this site and being even more mean…
Don’t Kanye me or I will Cris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mother.
A lion wouldn’t cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood. (would.)
337 leave brittney alone ….. wa wa ….
What is wrong with you people? tiger is absolutely normal and it is you people who have the problems. i mean i cheat on my wives all the time, and we know we all do it, so please take a reality check and leave a true American hero alone
Oh NO! Another recall for Toyouta, Tiger’s supplier of zippers for his tailored pants.
I bought a movie about Tiger’s favorite 18 holes, I was disappointed when i found out it was about Golf!!
I guess 18 holes wasn’t enough
Did you know that tiger woods took on gardening?His favorite tool is the hoe
Hey did ya hear that tiger woods just played 18 holes, and then he went and played a round of golf
A Lion never cheats on his wife……but a Tiger Wood
Amazing. John Lennon never met Tiger, yet wrote his obituary, “Money Can’t Buy You Love”.
Gatorade was forced to change their slogan from “Is it in you?” to “Was it in you?”
340…. nice
my friend and i were playing ping pong and we were taking turns keeping score. It was my turn to keep score and after we got tired of playing, she asked me “On a scale from 1 to Elin Nordegren, how hard did i beat you?” I thought that was just hilarious.
i guess 18 holes wasent enough
Hes tryin to get as many women as he has majors. Hes pretty close
I play Tiger golf: I sneak out on the course and get as many holes in as possible before getting caught.
whats the difference between a lion and a tiger? a lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger wood
Im seriously confused!! I orderd a new Tiger video last week called “Tiger’s favorite 18 holes”, When I put the damn thing in the DVD player, it was about golf…
Why does Tiger regret hitting the tree at the end of his driveway?……………..
He exposed all the old roots!!!!!
Did you know that Tiger Woods took up gardening to forget his woes?
His favorite tool is the hoe, and he just loves fingering little holes to then plant his seed.
Hey I’m Tiger “would you like some” Wood
tigers therapist says he is limited to strke play only for one year but he can play golf whenever he wants
tiger woods has a new book comming out “how to play 18 holes and not let your wife find out”
Tiger couldn’t stop at just 18 holes
If you examine any of our so-called celebrities close enough,more often than not YOU WILL FIND that they have committed indiscretions similar to Tigers’ and worse..He displayed a major lack of tactfulness by getting caught,which is pretty much his own fault from what I’ve read.It’s a well-known fact that money,status and privilege breeds corruption and can reveal any and all character flaws.It’s human nature.
No wonder he was such a good golfer! All he ever thought about was putting in the hole.
I’ll bet the greens look different to him.
get out of here with these lame tiger jokes.. all of you who judge this man are just mad you don’t have tigers game, and im not talking just his golf game.
keep doin it tiger, we who have a proper outlook on society still have your back.
how does tiger have time to get so good?
He can be playing 18 holes in augusta while playing 9 more on his phone
A lion would not cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood
18 holes, 2 foul balls
the santa jokes are DRY !! straiqht up .
interviewer: what’s your name?
Eldrick: Tiger
Interviwer: Residence?
Eldrick: Woods
Interviewer: (Shocked) Why?
Eldrick: they are meant to live there
Interviewer: Occupation and interest please?
Eldrick: Potting holes.. oops.. I meant potting balls. :S
Interviewer: aAlright Mr Tiger I think it’s over now.. you can now return to the woods to pot more balls into holes.
Whats the difference between Tiger and a real Tiger? A real one stops after one cougar!
listen to the song go get em tiger by maino
ok i got a joke….k what does tiger woods say when hit of the tee…. whore
Question: /whats the difference between a lion and a tiger…
Answer: A lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger woood
How does Tiger know he is in love?
Answer: When his mistress taps him gently on the ass and says’ “You’re in, love!”
what does Santa and tiger have in common
santa has only got 3 hoes
Who is leading the money list on the PGA Tour? Elin.
Give Tiger a break!! Obama’s screwing the entire country!
okayy okayy lets see uhh
tiger admitted he cheated with about 12 ckicks okayy so we now kno theres 6 more out there cuz tiger alwayys plays 18 holes.
Question:
What is the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus?
Answer:
Santa stopped at three ho’s
Question: /whats the difference between a lion and a tiger…
Answer: A lion would never cheat on his wife but a tiger woood
What is the difference between Tiger and Santa Claus?
Santa stopped at 3 ho’s
what does Santa and tiger have in common ????
Santa stops at 3 ho’s
LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger ?
Santa stops at three Hos
Tiger was a Lion so he changed his name to Cheetah so he could hunt for Cougar’s.
They say a lion would never cheat on it’s partner, but a tiger would.
Tiger is just taking from his sponsors.
Just do it.
It’s in you.
Did Tiger take the Escalde because of the irony attached to taking the Rendez-vous?
Tiger’s new coach said just listen to me and f*** everone else.
So he did!
I think is good, but mine is better
Tiger Woods has made a huge comeback…..
I hope he never makes a Hole-in-one ever again!
If he evr makes a hole in 1 again,The Golf Club and media wud blame him of cheatin..!:)